Day 213: Digging Deep

Most days I wake up feeling like I didn’t get enough sleep, and press the snooze button for an hour before dragging myself out of bed. Today I woke up suddenly as the alarm went off and feeling inspired, I decided to go for a run before heading to work. I decided that because it was Wednesday and that meant that my week was half over, so I would run for an hour. I suited up in the usual, shorts and a sleeveless shirt, hoping that it had not yet reach 85 degrees outside. By now I am sure you’ve noticed that when I run I often take along a few key items: my cell phone (for emergencies), my keys, my license and health insurance card, about $5, my iPod, and sometimes a water bottle. This is a lot of stuff when you are out for a short run, but for some of these things it’s better to be safe than sorry. So today I decided deliberately to not take a water bottle or my iPod. I put the cards and the $5 in the casing for my cell phone (the cell phone fits nicely in between the two sports bras I wear. I highly recommend this technique for my female runner friends) and the keys in the pouch pocket of my shorts. This would leave my hands free to swing in their typical dinosaur pattern at my sides and thus be a comfortable run.

I left the house at around 6:30 Am, the early morning sunshine making me feel just a tad warmer than I’d like to. For a moment I considered taking a different longer route than I usually do, but then changed my mind at the last minute choosing the shade of the trail rather than the 'along the road' route. The beginning of my route led me down a long winding hill and though I tried to keep my pace steady, I always speed up when going downhill. From the bottom of the hill I crossed over onto the trail, which is a relatively flat straight forward course. I passed a few runners this morning, but not as many as I would have expected to see. Either people are waking up and running even earlier in the day or not running as much in the summer. This seems to be a common theme, as you don’t seem many long distance races in the hot summer months (unless of course you are in the mountains or the luxurious west coast, which has perfect conditions for racing regardless of the time of year). I guess no one really likes running in the heat. Last year while training for the MCM, I did many of my training runs in the middle of the day, in above 90 temps. However, more often than not the humidity had been low, allowing me to run comfortably (as comfortable as possible in 90+ degree weather) for ½ an hour to an hour. I did this with the thought that it would make my body stronger and more adept at handling the unpleasantries I might encounter during race day. I am a firm believer in the school of thought saying if your train hard enough and well enough, whatever you encounter you’ll be able to handle. Thus I ran outside in the heat, wind, sleet, rain, hail, and with a few feet of snow on the ground. I am not a bad-ass. I just like to be prepared on race day, because any surprise on race day usually is not the good kind of surprise. Maybe it’s just me, but I often hear people’s horror stories of training at sea level just to realize (duh!) that their race was, well let’s just say, NOT at sea level. I’ve heard of runners who hadn’t experienced rain, wind, or high temperatures while running and then boom, race day they are stuck with adverse weather conditions. It’s easy to control yourself, and not eat or do anything stupid leading up to a race, but you can’t control the weather. Starting at an early age my father drilled into my head that it ain’t no use yelling at the rain. So I accepted those things I couldn’t change and always try instead to at least be prepared for them. All that to say, while I can deal with and have trained in extreme heat, I still don’t like it very much.

In times like these, where you find yourself training through an unpleasant situation, you should try and find something to turn to to assist you on your run. Some runners like to zone out to music or books on “tape,” some enjoy focusing on their schedules that lie ahead of them that day and week, some like to pay mind games with themselves, some do all of these, some do something else I am not clever enough to think of. I have almost always used an iPod while running. I use the music to zone out and move along steadily, but I never really listen to the music, just the pace. Lately though, it hasn’t been helping as much. Maybe it’s because I have grown bored of the songs or the ear plugs annoy me, but whatever the reason, this morning I chose NOT to bring along the iPod and go tune-less. And I have to report, it was actually a quite enjoyable experience. My primary concern was that I would get bored with my run and become dis-focused, but I was okay. I have started employing a new strategy while running and it’s what I’ll call “digging deep.” Your mind is like a small child, if you let it run off with a thought, the whole ordeal of bringing the thought back, changing it, setting it back of in the correct direction, becomes extremely complicated. Instead you need to snip bad mental behavior in the bud. Here, let me explain with an example. If you are running along, minding your own business and someone rushes up and past you, a thought immediately enters your head: “Damn that person is fast.” And then the thought sours and turns into a slew of negative feelings about your own capabilities and running related decisions. Soon this tumbles, like a little snowball starting an avalanche, into ‘Screw this, I’m done.’ And you walk home feeling uncomfortable, hot, and defeated. This has happened to me before; this has happened to everyone before. *This, by the way, is for “most” people. Some of you are just better than us and you never get jealous or competitive, and well, good for you. It’s easy to say, well don’t think that or change the thought or remember running is for you. But in all reality, stopping a thought is a bit like stopping waves as they crash on the sand. However, I do think there is a way to take your bad thoughts and punch them in the face. Here’s one way how to do it. You think of whoever you know out there who has it worse then you and you use them as a source of inspiration. The whole time you think ‘well, if so-and-so could make it through {insert problem} then I can certainly run this last mile.’ Keeping that person in your mind not only strengthens your relationship with them, but makes you work harder. I do this pretty often on my runs now. The person I pull up in my mind and draw from depends on how difficult the run is. When I feel unmotivated on a run or just tired and not feeling like running, I think of people who are struggling through things, but it's not life threatening. For example, I think of my friends who are going through some kind of emotional turmoil and are getting up every day and trying to make it through with a smile still on their face. I tell myself, if they can make it through their ordeals and come out with a smile on their face, well so can I. If the run is harder, I go deeper. If I am running and feel like I just can’t make it and why bother trying, I pull up thoughts of my Nana and all the women I know who fought or are fighting against breast cancer. If the run is the worst run of my life, I go to the rock bottom and think of my bubby. My bubby (the Yiddish word for grandmother), Pearl, died of Merkel Cell Carcinoma, a rare type of skin cancer, when I was 12 years old. I pull up all of my memories of the woman who was told she had 3 months to live and lived for over 3 years. She fought with all of her might every day for her life. That usually humbles me and I remember that my little wussie run is nothing compared to what these people have gone and continue to go through. If they can find the strength, well I sure as hell can too. What I am saying here is that everyone has different techniques for motivating themselves to go the distance and these are mine. Digging deep is one way of showing yourself that you are not alone in your struggling, but also that your struggle is a choice, where as others aren’t as lucky. I think it’s important to think about that from time to time. It’s very easy to forget or brush off painful subjects, but you also can gain strength and important lessons from them. The people in my life who have struggled or are struggling are always on my mind, but no time more so than when I run.

Today, as on most days, I struggled with humidity and heat. I struggled with thoughts of giving up and just walking the whole thing. I even struggled with a sense of what’s the point. And then I thought of all the people in my life who are struggling worse than me, and somehow my brain just shut up and went silent. It was as if my brain went, “Okay, Okay, I get I’m being a wuss with all the excuses and you’re not stopping, fine, I’ll shut up. Sorry.” Once this happened, I was free to work out any kinks in my form and listen to the birds chirping wildly in the sunrise. I coasted along for a mile and change, admiring the scenery and then suddenly a woman about my age and build slid past me. This effectively kicked in my competitive personality and sent me off trying to catch up. At one point she decided to walk and I dug a little deeper, sped up, and overtook her. Soon after this she started running again, but by then I had left her in the dust. Little old me, with tired sore legs from running three days in a row, with old knee injuries just waiting to pop back up, went deeper, harnessed some inspiration, and sped off down the trail, the sounds of her footsteps behind me growing softer and softer. I maintained that pace for the rest of my run out of respect for those I chose to align my strength with during my time on the trail. Also just for reference, anyone who tells you that running is always fun and easy is lying. You absolutely should "enjoy" your runs (or at least parts of them), but most runners don’t really reap the benefit of the run till they hit the driveway on the way back. Why? Because it’s hard work, running isn’t easy. But luckily it’s usually rewarding once it’s over. Once back home, as I sipped some cool water and ate a delicious protein bar, I found myself very thankful that I can go out every day and find the strength to push through each run.

A big thanks to all of you who inspire me daily. Much love.