Day 435: Remembrance

Every year since 2009 I have been watching the Boston Marathon. 'Why?' one might ask, 'What is so exciting about watching people run?' It started for me, watching friends run the race. I was just psyched to see a friend go by the camera. It felt like I was there cheering for them as they embarked on this massive feat, even though I was just silently fist-pumping at my desk. This race has always resonated deeply with me, even though I'm from New York and not Boston. It's such a historic and beautiful race. Over the now 11 years that I've been running, it's always been a special race. You only get to qualify to run it if you are a very strong fast runner. The other runners work very hard raising money for important causes and after raising all that money, they lace up their running shoes and work hard for 26.2 long miles. There really is nothing quite like it.

Last year's Boston Marathon Monday was a very painful day for me. I remember sitting in my living room with my best friend watching the news. I was having flashbacks to 9/11 and my heart swayed deeply between painful anger and immense sadness. I was worried about friends I had running the race and working along the sidelines. I was angry that someone would attack runners. What did those people do? They were just trying to better themselves through fitness and inspire others around them. What did those spectators do that was worth condemning them to death? They came out to support the ones the love in making healthy positive strides in their lives. How did that warrant their death or immense injury? I was so angry. I sat on the couch crying and asking why?

Like so many others I sat glued to the TV watching the next several hours unfold as they chased down and caught the perpetrators. I was taken back to 9/11 and the horror and sheer disappointment I felt in the human race. Why are there people out there who are so terrible? Why do people act with violence? Why? Why? Why? I just couldn't understand why anyone would ever want to hurt a group of runners. In the next few days as more and more information came out about the bombings, I found myself wanting to get outside and run. I wanted to run to honor the 3 people killed and the others who were so severely injured by the despicable actions of terrorists. I wasn't exactly in running shape however. I was barely 3 months from the most traumatic injury I had suffered in my entire life (The Storm) and barely walking on my own two feet. I was still occasionally walking in a boot and climbing with one foot, and yet I wanted to honor those who suffered at Boston.

Beantown FFX Workout

I saw the FFX coach at Sportrock before I headed out (ankle braced up of course), and he asked me if I was sure I should be running. And I said, "I have two (mostly) working legs, right now some people in Boston can't say that. This is for them." So I ran. It was slower than my old "normal" pace by a long shot, but I still ran. And every mile of that run I thought about the three people who were killed and prayed for their families and friends that they would find peace after this tragedy. I finished off the workout by pushing myself to honor the 176 people injured during the attack, by doing 100 Patriot-makers, 38 knees to chest, and 38 banana boats. All I thought about was Boston and I pushed as hard as I could. I remember afterwards that my ankle was sore, but that might heart felt like I had done what I could to honor those affected during the 2013 Boston Marathon in my own way.

Now a year later in the days before the marathon, I am taken back to that day. I remembered full well what I felt watching the TV in my living room. I am taken back to the days and weeks after Boston the year before, after the race and how suddenly other runners on the streets in Alexandria were waving hellos to each other, like we all understood we were out there honoring those lost and hurt. My mind has been on the day that Frank Fumich called on the DC metro area to come out and run with him 176 miles to honor those in Boston and how my roommate and I joined in for a couple loops.

Me and Jamie before we started our loop

Jamie and my shoes
(and my brace)

Us and Frank post run

 My mind has been on the Runner's World's articles on Boston a year later the beautiful stories and pictures of triumph and strength. My mind has been on how I feel so removed from it now. So far away. I haven't been running nearly as much as I should be these days, and that saddens me, especially being on the eve of Boston. So I did the only thing that made sense to me. I took advantage of my Sunday and this beautiful amazing state I now live in and I took to the trails. I left the concrete and pavement. I traded the buildings for mountains, cars whizzing by for wind in my ears, sun in my hair, and trees, grass, and dirt surrounding me. I wanted to celebrate new life and rebirth, the way Boston rose up from the ashes.

So I ran and ran and ran and ran.

I ran and ran and ran and ran. I ran on my favorite trail. Past the mountains, up and down the hills, along the twists and turns. I didn't think about much at all besides Boston, strength, remembrance, and rebirth.

At the end of the two hours I spent outside, I was exhausted but my heart was no longer heavy. I knew that for each of those people out there filled with hate and rage, there are ten more who are filled with love, compassion, and kindness. So go out there into this beautiful world and be kind, spread love, and you'll make at least one person's day better and maybe that will make all the difference.

I will end this post in the eternal words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only Love can do that."

To everyone affected by the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013, we still love you, we still pray for you and we still honor your memory.