Day 594: Weak

There are days like these.

We must admit to ourselves that there are days where we are not as strong as we'd hoped. Whether its giving in to that chocolate bar or skipping a workout, not pushing yourself as hard as you could or taking the easy route, there are some days you just have to throw the towel in. Today was that day for me.

I knew the run was going to suck. Just walking up stairs was difficult, while standing up for more than 2 minutes felt impossible. I felt as if my lungs had been punctured with a scalpel. The coffee, the new sneakers, my favorite running shirt wasn't gonna do jack today. I was gonna run 6 miles. 6 miles quickly turned to 5 miles, which withered and died at 4 miles and change. The sad part was that my legs were fine. They could run for about 10 more miles, but my lungs just couldn't handle it. There are days like this. Everything seems to go wrong, disappointment at every turn, and ample amounts of frustration.

But days like this are necessary and I'll give you two reasons why and my way to get past it:

1) Read this blog post by AJW, it's about the "disappointment muscle"
2) And this post by Geoff Roes on his choice to DNF from UTMB 
3) and lastly, here is a website for an organization dedicated to helping those who are less fortunate

These three sites may not seem to share a whole lot in common, but I'll show you the linkage and maybe you'll see what I mean.

1) AJW was writing in his post about disappointment, which at some point or another we've all encountered. However, what if instead of saying "I'm disappointed because..." we say, "I'm grateful that {this disappointing thing} gives me the opportunity to look at {this} like {this}."

We spend a lot of time in our lives as humans (don't worry I've studied this, I actually know what I'm talking about on this one) reveling in our disappointments. We think about them more often than the good moments and often try to wish them away or wish for do-overs. What most of us then do is either, let it go or let it fester. Most of us do not channel it for a better purpose. If more of us could be like Erik in AJW's post, maybe more of us could get more out of our disappointing experiences and use those moments to better us as runners, friends, and people. 

2) I'd say it was just dumb luck that I happened to click on Geoff's blog post about his DNF at UTMB after reading AJW's post about disappointment, but part of me feels like I clicked on the blog post in #2 because I needed to read what he had to say. UTMB is a major race for ultra runners and ultra-veterans. It's a crowning jewel, the same way Western States is. Geoff Roes has had a tough racing year for sure, but he also has taken it in stride and while disappointed I'm sure, he was not "shouting at the rain" in this post. Instead, he explained how the race went for him and why he thought it didn't go his way this time around. He also talked about listening to his body and when it was time to quit, it was time to quit.

Runners put so much emphasis on races, especially the big ones, and to DNF is never a goal anyone strives for. But sometimes you push yourself through a race, even if you're not ready for it and you get hurt. Alternatively, you're out there and you're hurting, so you throw in the towel and look to the horizon for the next race, while staying positive and learning from your disappointing experiences. That's how more of us should live our lives, taking what we can from a disappointing experience and moving forward with more knowledge and drive to accomplish our goal. 

3) So after reading AJW's post I was feeling more comfortable with my disappointing short run and decided to look forward to my next workout with a stronger drive to do better instead of being angry or upset. Then after reading Geoff's post, , I began trying to see what I could do differently next time, tweak my workouts a bit so that I actively rest for a few days before hoping back into running. Taking the crummy feelings and channeling them into good. So I sat down and started working on my fundraising site for Semper Fi Fund, the #3 in the list. I sent off my emails and messaged people on facebook about the fundraising I am doing for them while I train for and as I run the Marine Corps Marathon in October. I've begun to go to their website every time I start feeling sorry for myself and I read the stories about these men and women who have been injured, but are still trying to lead healthy and productive lives. When I go there and read their stories, the disappointment in my little workout fades and all I can think about is the good things I can try to do to help someone else. And then I feel strong in my dedication to run my best marathon ever and do it for more than me.

So there are days when you're gonna feel weak, completely down in the dirt, terrible, awful, total crap. There are workouts that leave you feeling destroyed and dismayed. But channel that frustration in a less negative way. Use that disappointment to strengthen your resolve for next time. Because there is no sense living in the past, and you can't control the future.

So learn from your disappointment, put it forward in a positive way, and approach your next run with everything you've learned on your journey to that next moment.