Day 680: Clear, Cold Night (Memory of Running On Christmas Eve)

There is a softness in this darkness

One i don't remember there being before.

Perhaps

it is the Christmas lights

Dangling from branches and gutters

Lighting up midnight twilight with their 

"Oh happy day" colors.

i move swiftly 

And silently

Through streets and past houses.

This is where i grew up.

Amongst Christmas kid lights and too many cars in that driveway.

But it's fair i guess. 

It's Christmas Eve after all.

My running shoes make my feet feel light

i drift past blow up Santas, reindeer, snowmen, and other holiday creatures. 

It is cold.

But there is a warmth inside

From the churning and burning of muscles

that later will ache. 

There is no snow here.

There rarely is these days.
i find myself breathing a bit hard.
But

the pump-up-psych-song in my headphones changes

And the pace, re-determined. 

i settle slowly into the new rhythm. 

don't think i've heard this song before.

It is cold. 

While running,
you
(i)
are never in one place for too long.
The constant stream
of vistas and
views
pass you by.
Like moments
being ticked off,
by the clock.
I am here
now I am there.
It can be relaxing and boring,
tedious
and yet, pleasant.
So strange, the feelings we
convince
ourselves
we have.

I am less cold now.
The warmth within
coming out.
i pull the zipper on
the neck of my jacket
down.
the cold winter air
hits my neck like a truck,
but i don't mind.
i breathe in
deep.
Chilled to the
marrow in them bones.
Sometimes when
I am running
i imagine that I am in those
fields of gold.

i have always called myself a runner.

That title, somehow giving me an air of
superiority that i don't really feel about myself.
Cause runners can be so Cocky sometimes.

How do you eat like that all the time?

Oh, well I am a runner.

Why do you never have free time?

Probably cause I am a runner.

What are you doing this weekend?

Running.
But there are days when running doesn't define me,
It's just something i do.
Putting one foot in front of the other, because i like the way it feels.
i like the silence around me.
The spaces my brain delves into.
Because it hurts
and heals.
That is why I am outside in the frigid East Coast wind
running.
But i don't like to think about myself while running.
i like to think about everything
else.

Like, for example,
when i get back and after i shower,
my family and i will watch our favorite Christmas movies,
eat New York Pizza and drink eggnog.
We will make cookies and decorate the Christmas tree.
We will sing along to Christmas carols
and giggle at the dogs playing in the living room.
The warmth of the oven heating the house,
the smell of fresh cookies in the air,
and the joyous sounds of a truly happy family.
But right now,
it is dark, cold,
and I am all alone.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that i mind this one bit.
In fact, 

it is part of the perfect

Balance

that is me. 

Alone

and 

Together. 

The blend of fades and shades,

Shadows, dark and light, 

Colorful

and grey. 

I am midnight
on Christmas Eve
running through the streets
of my
Home
town.